Can We Be Friends? (A woman asks a married man.)

Jesus Creed: Can We Be Friends? (A woman asks a married man.)

Gilbert Meilaender, in a well-known essay originally published in First Things, explored the classical issues surrounding an issue that emerged yesterday in our reposting of Carolyn Custis James' post. The issue is this: Can a married man be a serious "friend" with a woman who is not his wife? And, alternatively, can a married women be a serious "friend" with a man who is not her husband?

Meilaender explores this question through the lens of the classical world where there was a general and widespread conviction that men and women didn't do well as friends. Meilaender then explores the nuances of the question for a world that has changed dramatically: "Are there reasons why friendship between men and women may be more difficult to sustain than same-sex friendships?"

Yes, there are many differences between our world and the classical world, not the least of which is the gradual and greatly improved equalization of women in our culture and the education of women. But there remains the obvious: the sexualization of the other, and this often is expressed in terms of the man not being able to handle the woman's sexuality.

A scenario: your daughter or your son is now married, and delights in his or her spouse. Your son or your daughter come to you and says, "I have a close friend, of the opposite sex, who is not married. That person would like me to have coffee alone just to chat. Mom, Dad, what is your advice? What is your wisdom?"

Scenario two: what are the principles you use in your cross-gender relationships? Do you have any conscious principles? What are they? Any concrete lines over which you will not cross? ...

Great discussion at Jesus Creed.

Comments

[Athol Kay: Married Man Sex Life]

I guess the first question is why anyone that is married is going to their parents about advice over a date with someone other than their spouse. The place to go to is your spouse, if you really don't want to do that, well there's your answer.

It always starts quite innocently...

[Michael W. Kruse]

I suppose it could be that your spouse is okay with it but you still have doubts, so you ask the folks. Certainly, recruiting your parents into a disagreement against your spouse is unwise.